The path ive been walking for quite some time now, felt so natural to adhere too.
My first introduction to cannabis was when i was rather young.
Being that none of my family was involved with cannabis, it felt like a treasure i had some how came across, a culture that was hidden to me.
After a few years of consumption and love for cannabis and what it did for me - being a depressed confused kid, id decided that id give it a shot at growing my own with as little knowledge that i had.
At this time, knowledge on growing was suppressed and hard to come by, communities that exist today, back then did not. When it came to physical media, having family that wasnt “on the same page” as me it made it hard for me to own any growing books or anything that could help me out with learning. Most of the knowledge i learnt back then was online through various blogs i cant even recall the names of.
This lead to me buying my first seed, from a local marketplace, Pyramid seeds - Acapulco Gold (almost certain anyway, dont think they produce this genetic anymore)
This was planted on a roof…. outside of a attic window, given very little care.
After however long it was, going up and down every week or so, the plant ended up being a male! - Which at the time i didnt realize or understand, this was a bit of a step back for me, as i thought it was a fault of my own (which i highly considered because of neglect)
After this i did some more research and eventually learned about female and male plants, indoor grow lighting and slight information on environment.
This lead to me getting LEDS which had only just came out on the market!
I bought a “blurple” (red + blue ONLY diodes) LED online that wasnt a reputable brand at all and started to gain real experience.
I did this for 3/4 grows in a closet, with a fan + LED + 1/2 plants (one of these grows i accidentally bought a Autoflower, not knowing the differences) along with Fox Farm nutrients. These first grows i was constantly running into problems not understanding how to mix nutrients correctly, environment, how much water was needed and not being precise with nutrition or mediums (was using mainly compost)
after the 3/4th crop i knew i wasnt getting my plants to their peak potential.
i eventually bit the bullet and went all in on learning as much as i possibly could, to be able to recognize and tackle any problem i would be running into. Along with this i started getting serious about my equipment and inputs used, changing my medium to coco and nutrients to Cannas coco line, getting a tent, an extraction fan and clip on fans
This is where the sailing started to become quite smooth and i really started to get experience. Amazingly this is also when i first started seeing more cannabis content on Youtube which helped me greatly with knowledge.
During this whole time, i had realized that i had fell in love with cannabis and growing, yet i couldnt accept it for a long time, as i was made to feel wrong for it but eventually i dropped the anxiety of being made to feel bad, because i knew in my heart, cannabis makes the world a better place and is an amazing plant.
To eventually do many grows, now being “perpetual” with various tents, i started my first breeding projects……
Not long after this i had a serious accident….
This part, might be quite some weight for many, be wary -
Around 2023, i had lost a few family members and was going through some mental issues, mental issues ive been dealing with my whole life.
When i was young, i never felt welcome anywhere and i couldnt explain why, along with this i was a extremely anxious and nervous kid. This anxiousness bloated when i lost a brother when i was young, being bullied for it in school, and various other things - This caused me too be depressed and confused when i was growing up and apparently according to my doctor, the best fix would be too put me on various anti-depressants until i found one that worked.
This was from when i was 15-17, i genuinely feel like this stunted my emotional intelligence and other things, resulting in me finding it hard to deal with depression and anxiety still to this day.
During my 20’s i started being able to deal anxiety and depression a bit better, after being off of anti-depressents for quite some time, but problems still lingered with me, but Cannabis really helped me talk over the things i needed to with myself and ivew always been so thankful for this - if ive ever needed to think something over, cannabis has always been there for me, too allow me too with a “clean” mind.
Getting to the point….
2023, i had lost a few family members, very close together and mentally was in a space where i was questioning what i was going to do with my life.
Whilst in this state of extreme sadness, i hadnt been sleeping because of some work on my house that had been happening for 2/3 weeks, every day at 6am
i didnt (and still dont)have a great sleeping pattern from insomnia.
One day during the work on my house, whilst i was around 3/4 days without sleep, i felt my self “click” into a weird state.
I have no idea what triggered this state, but am more that certain it was from lack of sleep, extreme depression and mental load from losing my family, i was smoking at this time, but i had dropped my consumption a considerable amount, from considering what i was going to do with myself.
This state was “Psychosis”.
Trying to explain to you, what it feels like to be in psychosis, is something i cant describe entirely….. but will try -
The best way i can explain it is, it was like i was able too see and feel all possible thought process’s in my mind, like a storm in my brain and id latch onto and believe anything that presented itself to me.
i was in an extremely strange state for 2/3 weeks doing things out of my routine, conscious but not entirely aware with what was happening to me.
This “state” got worse and worse until eventually, out of my mind i raided my medications and “blacked out”.
Too wake up in a hospital 3/4 days later.
Some how, in this state i had climbed into my attic and i either thrown myself out the window, or i was just smoking a fat one and fell out…..
i do not recall AT ALL….. the only thing to this day i recall, is climbing into the attic in a semi black out state.
I had woken up in a medical device called a “Halo vest”
This “halo vest” was specially made and a first of its kind because of what i had broken -
c1, c2, t5, t6, t7 of my spine (along with a skull and eye socket fracture, wrist break and other things)
I was also implanted with “Titanium Rods and Screws”, these are permanent and go from the middle of my shoulder blades, down to where the bottom of my back starts.
The halo vest, literally held my spaghetti neck up, with pins that where pressing with pressure into my skull, whilst a ring around my head that was attached too a vest, held up my head.
I had to sleep in this…… it never came off and it locked my head in place, so i couldnt turn my neck, i had it on for around 6 months.
Some how i was not paralyzed at all, the doctors told me i should have been.
I could walk the day of waking up.
The pain and recovery of this i am still going through, but am through the brunt of for sure….. i have came to the acceptance also that, sadly traveling and working isnt really possible for me to an extent, as walking for too long i have to sit down.
So, saying the difficult thing - i have accepted that maybe i am someone who is more prone too mental health problems and triggering them but over all, i feel more mentally well than i ever have, after going through this.
If anything i feel unbreakable.
When i got home -
after a long recovery still being in my halo vest, the “itch” of growing didnt take long to scratch, after getting my vest off, it wasnt a month until i got everything set up again.
Since i have been continuing the work on the genetics im doing, searching for phenotypes to breed with, learning about proper breeding and keeping my head down like never before in hopes, one day i can sell my own genetics as seed, to share with the world.
Now with 13/14 (maybe 8-10 actual) years of experience, im planning on making my mark in cannabis, how ever that be, however i can.
Im a simple dude, always have been
I care for comfort, not money
love and passion - sharing it with others
